Current mood:	crazy
Current music:	Opeth - for absent friends

i had a post in mind, it was going to be an awesome fun post saying how my night went and who i met and who i got to see and everything.

then i come home to a cold shoulder, bitching, complaining, and more shit I don't need right now. Karen is pissed because i went out after work even though she said I wasn't allowed.

I know my grandfather is sick.

I love him and everything, but i can NOT take care of someone like that. I am not strong enough to handle that kind of thing. I don't like seeing him deteriorate, and if i had the means I would NOT be here right now while he wastes away and dies. I CANT DO IT.

I JUST FUCKING CANT.

No one understands that who is here right now and i hate it.

I had a chance to hang out with a bunch of people I didn't see in a VERY VERY long time, I dove at that chance because I dont know how long it will be til i see them again. Plain and simple. I needed an escape from the shit that is going on in my life.

I needed a night to not worry about things, to talk to people about things and feel loved and comforted by people who dont HAVE to feel that way towards me, they just do. They love me and care for me because im a good person not because im 'family' and that makes me happy right now. I don't have to worry about what my grandfather is going through, the pain and the hurt and everything.

Yeah I'm running from it, but i would go insane if i had to face it all the time. I can't handle that kind of shit.

I just fucking cant.... at all...

on top of that...Tommy's leaving tuesday.

I can't say anything about that other then, FUCK. what am i to do now. I know its selfish of me to say that but a best friend moving away, no way of getting to and from work yet...

I thought shit was happening right... and yes, once again it turned further to shit.

FUCK.

I need people here right now, I need people to keep me from myself.

I don't know what is going through my mind but i dont like it...

i dont like it.